Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
