But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
