It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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