Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize