he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
