my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
