Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's paint friendship bongs
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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