His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
