im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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