I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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