When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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