well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize