Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
