you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
