do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
