Screwed.edu
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
