so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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