it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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