don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
