I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize