Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
