If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize