You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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