So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
