Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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