I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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