can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize