between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
