the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
