I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
