and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
