Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
