I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
