also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
