actually, I'm a sock model
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize