just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
