guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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