Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
