you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
