I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
