dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My cat gives me a boner
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
