two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
