I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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