Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
