don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
