Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
nutella sex= disaster
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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