Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
