OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
