Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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