Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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