You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
