even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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