Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
