My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
