she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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