I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
