how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
