I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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