What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
