Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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