Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
