Buhtt sex?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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