I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
